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26 May, 2008 in emotions, health, links, stress | Tags: abuse, adaptation, adapting, adaptive coping behaviour, adjustment, anxiety, appraisal, attainment, behaviour, blogging, care, challenges, children, cognitive-behavioural, convalescence, coping, counselling, counsellors, depression, depressive, despair, disability, disillusionment, distress, emergency, emotions, enjoyment, examination, experiences, exposure, factors, family, feelings, friends, gender, gmc, healing, hope, hospitalisation, ibsen, illness, impact, injury, intervention, invluence, leisure, litigation, medical malpractice, medicine, melanoma, mindset, network, optimism, outcome, pediatrics, perception, physician, positivity, postpartum depression, posttraumatic stress disorder, precipitants, preparation, procedures, protection, psychologists, psychology, ptsd, recovery, rehabilitation, repression, research, resource, response, Richard Lazarus, ruminating, satisfaction, self-esteem, sensitization, skills, social support, socioeconomic status, strength, stress, students, support, surgery, survivors, threat, tolerance, trauma, traumatic, treatment, vulnerability, wellbeing | Leave a comment
29 April, 2008 in emotions | Tags: bargaining, blackmail, blame, buttons, control, controlling, emotional abuse, emotional literacy, emotions, empathy, feelings, guilt, helplessness, irrationality, justification, lies, logic, manipulation, manipulators, mocking, negative people, negativity, passive-aggression, people, persuasion, psychological abuse, reasoning, reflection, self-serving, strategies, tactics | Leave a comment
- You cannot out-manipulate a skilled manipulator, so don’t even try.
- It’s useless to ask a manipulator why he or she is acting a particular way, because you won’t get an honest answer. Manipulators will deflect or disguise their motives and avidly deny being a manipulator. But take comfort in this: However how hard they try to convince you otherwise, you are not wrong for perceiving that you’re being manipulated.
- You can’t change a manipulator by pointing out that his or her approach is one-sided.
- Most manipulators are incapable of empathy. Therefore, trying to get them to understand your point of view is pretty much a waste of time.
- An abbreviated list from work of the late Harriet Braiker, author of “Who’s Pulling Your Strings”, from “Stand your ground with manipulators” at management-issues.com
This is encouraging to read, because I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to reason with manipulators; for example being invited to justify my choices, feelings or identity which is in reality an invitation to engage in being persuaded I am wrong.
Here’s some more, from “How To Spot a Manipulator” at ehow.com:
- Explore your feelings. Think about how you feel after spending time with the people in your life. Perhaps dealing with someone close to you regularly leaves you feeling exhausted, depressed, fearful, lonely, guilty or worthless. If so, chances are that you have spotted a manipulator.
- Spot manipulative tools. Manipulative behavior is by definition controlling and self-serving. Although some manipulators can be physically abusive, the real control usually is psychological. Manipulators have methods to delve deep inside your head and heart. They then push your buttons so that they can bend you to their will. Manipulators often use guilt or feign helplessness to persuade you to something for them. They may blame you unfairly, mock you or put you down. He or she may also demonstrate behavior that seems on the surface more positive, like using flattery and charm and professing love and caring.
- See whether the manipulator alternates between flattery and affection and anger depending on whether you are accommodating his requests. The display of anger may be intimidating or passive-aggressive.
- Determine whether the person uses your relationship with him to persuade you to do or not do things. Manipulators often make requests or demands by playing on your affections and your guilt. Spot manipulative comments like “If you loved me, you would (or wouldn’t) do this” or the converse: “Since you insist on doing this, I can no longer love or trust you.” There are no gray areas with manipulators. If you don’t perform as they wish, there is something lacking in you.
- Analyze the reasoning the manipulator uses to get what he or she wants from you. Manipulators usually rely on irrational, emotional means of persuasion rather than logic to get their way.
- Notice how the person acts when you change the way you respond to the manipulative behavior. Argue back, with logic. Do not humor the manipulator. Take your time answering and responding. Don’t take the bait. Be alert and prepared for changes in tactics, since the manipulator is highly invested in control and will try different strategies.
13 April, 2008 in emotions, health, stress, wellbeing | Tags: anger, emotions, research, meditation, stress, cancer, health, thoughts, illness, anxiety, relaxation, mind, positivity, learning, challenges, responsibility, reading, techniques, state of mind, mindset, fear, canada, mind-body medicine, medicine, disease, body, feelings, Psychoneuroimmunology, oncology, self-awareness, self-care, survival, nervous system, immune system, immune response, clinical studies, patients, support groups, recovery, cellular biology, DNA, genes, environmental conditions, mind-body-spirit, healing, belief, terminal illness, control, decision-making, emotional health, immunity, well-being, bitterness, self-criticism, discovery, wholistic, health coach, emotional support, guided visualisation, affirmation, charities, peer-support, counselling, anti-stress, strategies, non-judgemental | Leave a comment
by Michelle Hancock
Not a day goes by that the word “cancer” doesn’t scare thousands of Canadians. Like a dreaded scourge, it hovers over us, presumably just waiting to claim its next victim.
But according to scientists in the growing field of mind/body medicine, the disease is not as much an external force as you might believe. Fear and anxiety–our thoughts and feelings–can impact our health just as much as a long list of cancer risk factors. “Psychoneuroimmunology”’ is the scientific term to describe the study of the mind/body connection. Carl Simonton, MD, is an oncologist who pioneered research in this discipline as early as the 1970s. His book, Getting Well Again (Bantam, 1978), shows how “an individual’s reaction to stress and other emotional factors can contribute to the onset and progress of cancer [while] positive expectations, self-awareness and self-care can ontribute to survival.”
Read the rest of this entry »
7 April, 2008 in career, emotions, stress | Tags: abilities, accountability, assertiveness, avoidance, balance, best, buy-in, challenges, challenging, defeat, difficult messages, dismissive, doubt, emotions, escalation, fobbed off, lessons learned, now habit, objectivity, perception, perfectionism, problems, reading, reporting, responsibility, time, time management, work, worry | Leave a comment
- Reporting day
- accountable/responsible for problems I have already tried to avoid
- when people say “best isn’t good enough” I don’t have an answer
- defeated – think nothing I say will make any difference
- not raising problems, or not challenging when problems are dismissed
- trying to fix them all myself
- accepting being fobbed off
- not getting “client” buy-in to difficult messages
- doubting own abilities
- means excess time for me
- not escalating because I’m worried it’ll reflect on me
There seems to be lots of doubt going on here. Could use more balance; helpful to look at what I could have done differently but also needs to be balanced with what others could also have done differently. Might be useful to read “The Now Habit” again.
2 April, 2008 in emotions, health, meditation, stress | Tags: anxiety, attention, bbc, brain, breathing, buddhism, cardio-vascular, CBT, cognitive-behavioural therapy, coronary, cortex, cortical thickness, Dalai Lama, depression, documentary, emotions, health, heart, Herbert Benson, Kathmandu, Kathy Sykes, links, Marharishi Vedic City, Mark Williams, Matthieu Ricard, MBCT, meditation, mindfulness, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, Nepal, nhs, observation, open university, papers, relaxation, relaxation response, research, reviews, Richard Davidson, Sarah Lazar, self-doubt, sensations, sensory processing, sitting, stimuli, stress, thoughts, transcendental meditation, tv | 1 comment
